we always think we are so smart. but actually we are digging holes with our bare hands and stepping right into our graves.

it is now approaching my favourite time of the year.

strange turn of events. i suppose it is inevitable really.

i think i should return to church.

You werent there when it all happened. It's all very well for u to sit and make your scathing judgements, but where were u when I needed u most? It was not ur fault, but neither was it mine.
It all happened so many years ago. It's almost like u came back from the dead. U disappeared for years,I had no news. I picked up the pieces on my own.
Did u even stop to think about how difficult it was for me ?
For once I experienced pure unadulterated happiness. The first girl I knew what it meant to give 100percent.
It was all taken away like that.
U listened to everyone's stories and opinions. I was the one u loved, how come u never stopped to consider mine? U said I let u down, but I proved in actions so much more than u realized. And what did I get in return? Hatred and anger and betrayal.
Yes now I finally understand how u felt, cause u r making me feel it too.

U r not the only one who got hurt.

Song: -you always thought that I was stronger, I may have failed but I loved you from the start -

Sometimes I think about the people whom I lost. And you realize the ache does return when you do.
Out of sight, out of mind.

The grieving process does end, it's never permanent.

You learn to live without that person, simply because its loss has become a part of you. And there isn't anything left to do.

Sent from my iPhone

God advocates forgiveness therefore I shall too. But please give me guidance and strength for this, for how much I need it now.

Sent from my iPhone

From the words if a wise one 'everything will turn out right in e end. If it's not right, it means it's not e end yet'
How profound and comforting.

It's funny and sad how certain recent events have panned out. Only serving to remind me that I am far from experienced, my naivety and gullibility has almost shocked and jolted me a little more awake. People whom I placed my trust in easily, people whom I barely know but assumed their character is such, have shown colours which made me despondent and also a little sad .

I look back at how I behaved before and wonder what or who changed me. And I wonder what or who might change me further.

I guess we can only place our lives in god .

It was just yesterday that I said to my friend that u r someone I can rely on to bail me out , but today I'm not so sure anymore. I'm not proud of who I was if who I am, so I guess I can't judge u but I'm only human and right now, I want to feel a certain loathing for u but I'm just sad .

Maybe it's karma destiny of fate. But I guess now it doesn't matter much anymore.

And u, I wish I could say so much to u. Our whole past, I'm beginning to feel, was based on childhood illusions and well, puppies and kittens and all things nice. But I have given my rights up long ago, so I must make my bed and lie in it .

And u, I deserve better and I hope one day u will act upon this truth. Saying and believing it is not enough to make something last.

And u, u suck. U hurt my friend and your reasons will never be good enough for me. In Chinese , ' no shi qian ta de' I hope u get over ur issues. Life is not supposed to be so hard.

And dear god, please look after all of us. I think we need you and your guidance .

Sent from my iPhone

Sometimes, I want to say a lot of things out loud. But one should not give in to indulgences. Especially those that come with a price.

Strangers and close ones can usually see a clearer picture than you do, but only u experienced its sweet taste, and wondered at its magic. I guess some decisions are harder than others. And some choices are automatically made for u.

I used to get so angry. At destiny, fate whatever you call it. Something which happened out of your control, and the rage you feel that you had no other way but to be resigned to it.
But now, these things just make me sad. Because at e end of e day, I guess it was not meant to be. And when a door closes, another opens etc etc.
A lot of times I wish I didn't have one sided conversations. But now that u actually have a chance to respond but don't, it opens my eyes even wider and closes my heart a little more. I had a lot of hopes and expectations, but friendship, is really fragile.
For what we had, I wish u well.
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

It doesn't have to be blues. Monday can be a chance for refreshing new beginnings.
Amazing, the difference it makes when one decides to leave his worries and frustrations to God.
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

The methods of healing wounds have always conflicted, with differing rates of success. Some even conclude by making the wound deeper. But eventually it heals. When you stroke the tender scar, your heart reminds you of the pain you once went through, and the pain you carry still.
There are many things we move on from, some we look back with regret. Blasts from the past just takes you back to memories where you once experienced an innocent joy.
But growing up often means growing away and growing part from others. Many lessons you learn alone.
In the crowd, you recognise a face. A face whom you put aside for a long time, and struggle to remember its features and contours. But the heart leaps are unmistakable, only now more cautious, and oh so wary and weary.
And you turn away, because you don't know what else to do.
And turning away has become something you are so good at, it becomes second nature to you.
Some guilt you forget, some you live with everyday. A burden which weighs you down, apologies never enough. You struggle to get your reasons across, only to fall on death ears because you know your feeble excuses will never be good enough.
You want to say a thousand words, a million words.
But as they say, the past belongs to the past.
It's a mockery, but reality.
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

i said it once and i'll say it again. There are some things you dont get over, you just learn to deal and live with it. it becomes a part of you. and it only leaves when you choose to let it go.

To dream of falling, shows that you are going through a period of uncertainty and insecurity. There is emotional struggle and you do not get enough support in your waking life.

:S
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

sometimes, you just have to live with it.